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Positive Dominance

Positive dominance - what is it and why is it so important

Positive dominance is something that women react to very strongly. It is truly magnetic to them. Comments such as "finally, a real man!”, and “how do you do that, why are you so good at picking up women?" are part of the reality of a man who possesses positive dominance.

A few weekends ago I was with Marat, one of our coaches in my hometown. Near the end of the evening he was outside some club playing around, flirting with a girl. There was a number of women of Italian origin, who were a little more mature in age looking at them, enjoying the scene.

These women were so charmed by his flirtations that they joined him when they went to another club. They bought a drink for him and later on they gave him a ride back to his home. The lady who was the most impressed turned out to be a surgeon - an Italian female surgeon...

If you know anything about the medical world you know the surgeons might be considered the most macho department. Same goes for the Italian culture of course. Needless to say, she should really be used to a whole lot of macho behaviour...

Apparently, even in a “macho environment” like the surgical world in Italy, she rarely sees any "real men". This evening, Marat  was being his great dominant self, as he normally is. Telling women what to do, making it very clear what he wants and expects of them - and in a positive way! The women love it.

Could it be that strong women secretly want someone who is even stronger, to whom they can "secretly" give in and surrender to?

Let me try to explain this a bit further. Dominance, in the context of flirting with women, can be seen as being in control of yourself. A "shit test" by a girl is an attempt to control you, to get a grip on you. And women love men whom they cannot control.

(This is within limits of course. Be aware of women that really don’t like this: I consider them the ultimate control freaks or, more friendly, hurt people. I believe they secretly love a dominant guy but simply cannot give in to him. Do yourself a favor and avoid such women. They have issues they need to solve for themselves)

Being positive amounts to always being in search of the good, the positive in any given situation. Ask yourself: "How can I be of value, how can I help others?” And “How can I be faithful to myself and my purpose?" (assuming you have positive life goals)

The two combined will sound and look like this: A guy speaking in a commanding tone of voice, sounding almost angry - but with a smile on his face...

It can also be explained by the opposite - negative dominance. Negatively dominant people are more common than positively dominant ones. One type of negative aggression is what psychologists call “passive aggressive”. You can notice these people sometimes being able to influence the energy of a whole group of people, just by being obstinate and refusing to participate. Quite an achievement indeed.

In relationships, passive aggression or passive dominance is also common - as a way of punishing the other by not doing certain things. For example, refusing to talk things over, refusing to look for a solution - basically because this can be difficult. Whilst being able to discuss difficult situations and to look for a solution is actually a great example of positive dominance!

I once heard an NLP (neuro linguistic programming) coach say that he really enjoyed interacting  with “negative” people, such as the really grumpy ones. Such individuals often have a strong frame, a strong conviction of reality (they are really convinced that "everything is messed up”).

He prides himself on being so well trained to make himself feel good, that people with such attitudes are a worthy challenge for him. NLP teaches us that those with the strongest conviction, the strongest frame, will influence the other ones. So he enjoys influencing negative people to become more optimistic.

In the end, it’s all about the combination of both traits: positivity and dominance. Try to incorporate this combination into your character and let me know how you fare!